time is ticking
Ben
I have less than a week left in Berlin and I am enjoying myself immensly.
I'm not scrambling to do all of the things that I havn't done yet- just focusing on being with friends and just being happy. I know that one day I will return to this city... so I'm not worried about seeing everything one last time. I have been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days about what all has happend this year- it has been quite a year. So influential, so interesting, so AMAZING.

I have been in the airport almost every day seeing my friends off to their homeland. I have been there so many times I believe that Monday I will be ready to go- It is my turn. It is time to get back into reality... I can not wait to see my family and friends again. Getting back into the American culture should be... interesting. I can not imagine actually driving a car, or speaking all the time English, or not eating bread all of the time, or going to American high-school, or how the architecture everything looks.. it seems very foreign to me. But I am none-the-less excited

I am mostly dreading what a lot of exchange students have told me that already home. They say that people just dont realize how much they have grown- they do not realize how LIFE CHANGING an exchange year is, and they simply act like the exchange year never took place. I can't just forget about my year in berlin. I can not just go right back into life in madison. This year like I have said so many times before- changed my LIFE. I am a completely different person- I can not just pick up were I left off a year ago. I HOPE there will be some people who understand that.

Anyways- Friday is my last day of school in Berlin. Today I am going with friends to go make a picnic in Wansee and tomorrow we must clean the school! On friday We have a very short day- a church service and I will recieve my report card. (which should be A LOT WORSE than my first one because I missed a lot of school this half of the year). After that there is a going away pool party that I am going to with other exchange students to say goodbye. On Saturday is the Germany vs. Argentina game and I am going to watch it with friends from school. After that I will hopefully go to a huge beach party on Wansee with my host brother and listen to music and things there. Then, on Sunday- I will be going to be doing some things with my host family- packing-saying goodbye... and before I know it- I will be on my flight back to the US at 7.15 on Monday morning.

Well I must go now. I have to meet my friends at the beach. I hope to write at least one more post before I leave. until then!
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thinking...
Ben
I have 10 days left in Berlin.

Each day I am thinking about all the things I have experienced this year.
I am juIst BOMBARDED with memories and emotions... to tell the truth it is quite intense.

This year has been the most influential year of my life. It has given me the chance to experience life in a whole new way and really has just opened my eyes to all that life has to offer.

One thing that I just realized today... is that I have forgotten to thank somebody for this year. It's actually the person who has made this entire life-changing experience possible- It's god. Without him I would not be here right now... I would be no one- have nothing. He has made this experience possible and it is a real shame that it took me 10 months to figure that out. He has been beside me this entire time and has had his watchful eye out for me. Though it took an immense amount of mistakes to see- god has really taught me some lessons that I fear I would have never learned if I had not gone on exchange...
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Winding down
Ben
Well my time in Berlin is definately winding down...

I have just realized that I havn't really written about what I have been up to in quite a long time- it has been almost a month!!! To tell you the truth I have not been on the computer all that much because I have been trying to be busying myself with everything and anything I have not yet done in Berlin. It feels like I have almost done more in the month of June than the whole year!

Now is the time when many of the exchange students are returning home. I have been in the airport 2 times this week already and I will be going once again tomorrow to say goodbye to one of my closest friends- Caitlin Ryan! I have had to say goodbye so many times already, but it is nevertheless very difficult each and every time. It will be especially difficult to say goodbye to Caitlin because we have so many memories together. But I know that saying goodbye is something that is just another part of exchange. It must be done- or else exchange would not be exchange. Along with saying goodbye there has seemed to be an IMMENSE amount of goodbye parties- Most of them are just grilling somewhere in berlin, listening to music, and talking late into the night- but last weekend I traveled to the city of Brandenburg and had a party at my friend from India's holiday apartment, It was soo much fun!. I feel like everyone has bonded to much in these last weeks together.

So many of you know that the World Cup has started! it is probably the most fun I have ever had in my life. The Europeans are extremely passionate about soccer... and even if one doesn't not like watching soccer it is regardless fun to watch. There are viewing points at what seems like every place- restaurants, beer gartens, bars, and the best- official public viewing points. For the first game, Germany played against Australia, and I went with some friends from school to a boat that was anchored to the shore of the river Spree that runs through the center of Berlin. We all just chilled, talked a bit, and celebrated the 4-0 Germany victory. The second game, me and some friends went to the "fan mile" which is a HUGE public viewing point outside of the Olympia stadium (where the olympics were held in the 30's). Everyone went decked out in the German flags and face paint and it was a lot of fun despite Germany"s unexpected loss against Serbia! (0-1... could not believe it)!

So beside the World Cup, I have also been trying to experience as much Berlin-culture as I possibly can in these short 2 weeks I have left. Last weekend I took part in one of the most amazing experiences of my life- Christopher Street Days- A day that used to be a protest for the rights of homosexuals, but now-a-days is simply one of the biggest parades in the world. It was such a fantastic, freeing experience. There were 600,000 people walking through the streets that came of ALL different walks of life- gay, bisexual, lesbian, transexuals, and gay-supporters. I went with some friends of mine, and definately not expecting to be so entertained and just... happy. It was a Berlin i had never seen before. Everywhere I looked were people who looked so content, and happy, and without anger. It felt like happyness was simply in the air, and there was no sort of stress or worry what-so-ever.. Towards the end the came a bunch of party buses with really great-loud music. Me and my friends ended up dancing behind the bus all the way from Ku'damm, all the way to Brandenburger Tor. It was the experience of a lifetime. I met people from all over the world and my eyes were opened to a whole new part of Berlin I had NEVER even known to exist.

Well, like I said before, I have exactly 2 weeks left, and I have been here for exactly 10 months. it is still so strange for me to imagine to go home- but I am prepared. After living abroad throughout this year going home is the least of my difficulties. I am very excited to see my family, to be back in my hometown, be with my American friends, and to go back to reality ... there are no words to describe what this year means to me. It has taught me SO much, and has opened my eyes to things... that I will never have the words to describe. I have so many memories, stories, and experiences in this beautiful city... Berlin will ALWAYS be in my heart-

(I am currently not on my real computer- will upload pictures later)


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YUP!
Ben
PRETTY MUCH SUMS US UP!!!

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learning
Ben
How do you define yourself?

by your NAME?
by your NaTiOnAliTy?
by your religion?
by your JOB?
by your sexuality?


I don't know about you, but these questions have racked my mind for much of my teenage life. who am I? Why do I act the way I act, talk the way I talk, or dress the way I dress? Is it really ME? What is it that defines me? Was I born with a pre-programmed circuitboard in my mind, or heart, or who-knows- where that is labeled, "Benjamin John Mau" and is inscripted with all of my behaiviors, emotions, knowledge capacity, habits, tendencies... etc? Or, is my soul a free-spirit that is capable of transforming depending on how I naturally grow over the course of time?

....can i choose who i want to be?

I went on exchange hoping to answer some of these questions. Maybe, by being away from all of the things that I knew, all of the people that knew me- I could get my head on straight and really try to find who Ben Mau is....

over these past 9 months living in a foreign country, figuring these things out has proven to be very emotional and insanely tough. But- it could not have been any other way. By making mistakes- by being torn apart- by experiencing hardship- by feeling like your world is crumbling around you... that is the way you really learn.

It has been a constant battle- some days I think about these questions without end- and other days, my self-identification goes without notice for weeks ... but now that I am almost done with my exchange, I think I can say I have a pretty good idea as to who I am. I am satisfied. I have learned just about as much about my myself as I can . I know who I am.

However, theres a HUGE difference between KNOWING who I am and BEING who I am. That's something I continue to struggle with- and I know I will continue to struggle with in the future. Regardless, this exchange year has realllly helped me a TON with this process... I have all of the amazing people I have met here to thank for that. Every single person- The people that I was with for the entire year AND even the people I was with for only a few days ... everyone played their part. thanks.
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Countdown

Time Zone

If you have any questions...
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I'll be here :)