How do you define yourself?
by your NAME?
by your NaTiOnAliTy?
by your religion?
by your JOB?
by your sexuality?
I don't know about you, but these questions have racked my mind for much of my teenage life. who am I? Why do I act the way I act, talk the way I talk, or dress the way I dress? Is it really ME? What is it that defines me? Was I born with a pre-programmed circuitboard in my mind, or heart, or who-knows- where that is labeled, "Benjamin John Mau" and is inscripted with all of my behaiviors, emotions, knowledge capacity, habits, tendencies... etc? Or, is my soul a free-spirit that is capable of transforming depending on how I naturally grow over the course of time?
....can i choose who i want to be?
I went on exchange hoping to answer some of these questions. Maybe, by being away from all of the things that I knew, all of the people that knew me- I could get my head on straight and really try to find who Ben Mau is....
over these past 9 months living in a foreign country, figuring these things out has proven to be very emotional and insanely tough. But- it could not have been any other way. By making mistakes- by being torn apart- by experiencing hardship- by feeling like your world is crumbling around you... that is the way you really learn.
It has been a constant battle- some days I think about these questions without end- and other days, my self-identification goes without notice for weeks ... but now that I am almost done with my exchange, I think I can say I have a pretty good idea as to who I am. I am satisfied. I have learned just about as much about my myself as I can . I know who I am.
However, theres a HUGE difference between KNOWING who I am and BEING who I am. That's something I continue to struggle with- and I know I will continue to struggle with in the future. Regardless, this exchange year has realllly helped me a TON with this process... I have all of the amazing people I have met here to thank for that. Every single person- The people that I was with for the entire year AND even the people I was with for only a few days ... everyone played their part. thanks.
by your NAME?
by your NaTiOnAliTy?
by your religion?
by your JOB?
by your sexuality?
I don't know about you, but these questions have racked my mind for much of my teenage life. who am I? Why do I act the way I act, talk the way I talk, or dress the way I dress? Is it really ME? What is it that defines me? Was I born with a pre-programmed circuitboard in my mind, or heart, or who-knows- where that is labeled, "Benjamin John Mau" and is inscripted with all of my behaiviors, emotions, knowledge capacity, habits, tendencies... etc? Or, is my soul a free-spirit that is capable of transforming depending on how I naturally grow over the course of time?
....can i choose who i want to be?
I went on exchange hoping to answer some of these questions. Maybe, by being away from all of the things that I knew, all of the people that knew me- I could get my head on straight and really try to find who Ben Mau is....
over these past 9 months living in a foreign country, figuring these things out has proven to be very emotional and insanely tough. But- it could not have been any other way. By making mistakes- by being torn apart- by experiencing hardship- by feeling like your world is crumbling around you... that is the way you really learn.
It has been a constant battle- some days I think about these questions without end- and other days, my self-identification goes without notice for weeks ... but now that I am almost done with my exchange, I think I can say I have a pretty good idea as to who I am. I am satisfied. I have learned just about as much about my myself as I can . I know who I am.
However, theres a HUGE difference between KNOWING who I am and BEING who I am. That's something I continue to struggle with- and I know I will continue to struggle with in the future. Regardless, this exchange year has realllly helped me a TON with this process... I have all of the amazing people I have met here to thank for that. Every single person- The people that I was with for the entire year AND even the people I was with for only a few days ... everyone played their part. thanks.
We just posted a blog at the same time, both title learning, and obviously, both about learning! Exchange minds think alike. great blog :) loving it!
Laura
uh oh... here come the melancholic thoughts!
Exchange helps a lot for discovering who you are, Ben. It forces you into situations you'd rather not have been in. I heard a quote once that said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." And that's what this year has done. But you're not done yet. My rebound year as been as much a year of learning and discovering who I am as my exchange was. You've got ideas, but America is the place where you will start to put them into practice.
Best wishes.