I know that I experience inspiration daily by simply thinking about exchange, or reading other peoples blogs, or talking to other exchange students. Well I think I have a serious case of inspiration because I'm feeling it so strong right now that I'm going a little crazy. Yesterday I literally cried all day for no particular reason... Actually there was a particular reason but that's another story for another time. I was feeling so many emotions. It was an overflow. I couldn't remember the last time I cried so I was super confused and... just did not know what was going on! It was so weird.
Today I woke up and still felt a little funny. I was still trying to categorize my emotions a little bit, they were all jumbled up! There was a lot of confusion, uncontrollable happiness, sadness, awkwardness, anger, excitement, anxiety, laughter, sleep deprivation, reflection, heart-ache, second-guessing... yeah a lot of stuff. I wrote a little bit but I wasn't feeling any resolve- so I sat down at the piano and went... okay Ben- If you have anything to express, do it now. Now If you don't know, I do play the piano... I taught myself how in the 6th grade, had lessons for a year or two, then stopped, and now its a hobby. I compose music when I have super intense emotions. I haven't had any in a very long time... so as I sat down I wasn't expecting much, boy was I wrong. I started to just play... and everything that I was feeling just came out.. It was perfect. It was sad and confused, but it was so exciting and happy! I couldn't believe I was actually playing something new! I still can't believe it! Last time that happened was 6 months ago when Rotary said I was leaving the country!
So... to be quite honest, I don't really know whats going on. I want to be that exchange students who doesn't worry at all, and who keeps their emotions to themselves, and plays it super chill... haha but instead, here I am, exposing my self-conscious, over-emotional, self to the world. How embarrassing... you must think I'm crazy.
Today I woke up and still felt a little funny. I was still trying to categorize my emotions a little bit, they were all jumbled up! There was a lot of confusion, uncontrollable happiness, sadness, awkwardness, anger, excitement, anxiety, laughter, sleep deprivation, reflection, heart-ache, second-guessing... yeah a lot of stuff. I wrote a little bit but I wasn't feeling any resolve- so I sat down at the piano and went... okay Ben- If you have anything to express, do it now. Now If you don't know, I do play the piano... I taught myself how in the 6th grade, had lessons for a year or two, then stopped, and now its a hobby. I compose music when I have super intense emotions. I haven't had any in a very long time... so as I sat down I wasn't expecting much, boy was I wrong. I started to just play... and everything that I was feeling just came out.. It was perfect. It was sad and confused, but it was so exciting and happy! I couldn't believe I was actually playing something new! I still can't believe it! Last time that happened was 6 months ago when Rotary said I was leaving the country!
So... to be quite honest, I don't really know whats going on. I want to be that exchange students who doesn't worry at all, and who keeps their emotions to themselves, and plays it super chill... haha but instead, here I am, exposing my self-conscious, over-emotional, self to the world. How embarrassing... you must think I'm crazy.
